


The Illusion of Dignity

by Zillabird



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:09:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3448355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zillabird/pseuds/Zillabird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick doesn't understand. He thinks the picture looks good. Everyone else seems to be laughing at him. There is definitely more than meets the eye here, an illusion.</p><p>Based on the color changing dress that's taken the internet by storm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Illusion of Dignity

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to post this before the dress phenomenon entirely disappeared and therefore didn't go over it with the fine tooth comb I normally do. My apologies for any mistakes made and looked over. Please enjoy :D

Dick is perched between two ugly ass gargoyles on the roof. His toes are just behind the edge and his weight rests on his back leg. For the long run, it’s a rather comfortable position to be in. It also happens to look pretty badass when lucky civilians get a shot of him patrolling the city from the rooftops. He’s usually pretty good at spotting them. They aren’t all that inconspicuous with their shiny iPhones aimed up at the sky and their flashes going to get the best pic.

He doesn’t see this one being taken though.

She’s twenty-one years old, a photography student, and the sun is shining off the windows of a building a few blocks over so that he practically glows. It’s a great picture, one she’ll print out later on, but for the moment she just submits it to the [CapeWatch] Instagram account. It’s not her first photo, not by far. It’s not even her first photo of Nightwing. It is, however, the first photo to cause such a debate.

* * *

There are more important things for Jason to be doing than scrolling through the [CapeWatch] account on his couch while eating Chinese take-out. It’s a guilty pleasure, one he indulges only in private, but a lot of the photos are good and if nothing else it’s a chance to see what some of the heroes are up to. There’s a picture of Superman saving a baby, of Wonder Woman wielding her lasso, a picture of the Batmobile – he scrolls by that one pretty fast – and then he catches sight of some god awful gold and white monstrosity and he has to stop.

It takes him a full two minutes to recognize Dick fucking Grayson. What the hell was Dickie thinking? Blue and black was working for him. This looks like ballet and Elvis had a baby.

Jason clicks on the picture to bring up the comments and then grins.

MrsDakotaNightwing _A real testament to the way that Nightwing can look good in ANYTHING_

JjLips _Are you kidding, man? As if spandex and flipping around in the air wasn’t gay enough now you’ve switched to gold and white? At least blue and black were kind of cool. Lame, NW. Lame._

Batmansnumberonefan _Bad color combo. Not gonna strike fear into the heart of any1._

Jason doesn’t know what’s gotten into Dick but the fallout is hilarious.

* * *

Alfred answers the door and Dick greets him with a hug. “Evening, Alfred.”

“Good evening, Master Dick,” Alfred says.

Dick steps back and the two look each other over. “Good to see you.”

“It has been awhile,” Alfred says. “Come in. The others are waiting for you inside the dining room.”

“Sorry. I ran into traffic.” Dick hangs up his jacket on the coatrack and follows the familiar halls of the manor to the dining room.

Bruce is seated at the head of the table. “You’re late.”

“Traffic,” Dick explains. On the other side of the table, Tim and Damian giggle like children. Dick supposes they aren’t much more than that but they’re usually a little more mature. He arches an eyebrow. “Something funny?”

“No, nothing,” Damian says quickly.

Even Bruce seems to have his curiosity peaked and the two older vigilantes look upon the younger two with suspicion. They say nothing, the boys can have their little laughs and their little secrets…for now. But Dick is watching.

They make it through the appetizer and the main course without much issue. Then dessert is brought out and while their plates are being placed before them Tim shows Damian something on the older boys’ phone and the two peal into giggles all over again. Bruce clears his throat. “Care to explain yourselves?”

Dick is pretty sure he’s never seen two children as scared as the Robins look right now. Tim’s face warms and he places his phone face down on the table. “Just…something funny.”

Dick holds out his hand, something he feels he has a right to do considering he’s starting to think he’s the unfortunate butt of this joke. “Let me see. Maybe we’ll find it funny too.”

“Probably not,” Tim says. He’s looking absolutely terrified now.

Dick doesn’t put his hand down. Tim sighs and places the smart phone on his palm.

It’s an account on Instagram. Dick’s never been one for social media though he’s aware enough to recognize the app. Like Bruce he tends to stray from situations where he has to give out more of his personal information than is smart for a man in his position. Social media is just asking for trouble. The boys are young though, they want to be a part of the things other people their age are a part of. He recognizes a picture of himself on the roof. It’s a good picture, almost professional.

He looks like a badass. “I don’t get it.”

Damian and Tim exchange glances. “Your…costume.”

Dick’s eyes narrow. He looks for any sign of an ill-placed rip or an embarrassing stain. He’s in the best shape of his life so there are no misshapen lumps to laugh at. He looks up at the boys who are watching him expectantly and then his gaze flickers over to Bruce who is doing the same. He looks back at the picture. “I don’t get it.”

Bruce stands and looks over his shoulder. Silence. “What…is _that_?”

Dick holds the phone mere inches from his face. “What?!”

“Why would you wear that?” Bruce exclaims. He snatches the phone from Dick’s hands.

“It’s my costume,” Dick says. There seems to be a joke he’s not in on. “I’m so confused.”

Bruce straightens. “Alfred! Come in here, please!”

There’s a beat of silence and then the butler strolls into the dining room. “Yes, Master Bruce?”

“Did you have a part in this?” Bruce demands.

Alfred looks at the phone and confusion crosses his expression. “A part of what? The picture?”

“The costume,” Bruce says dryly. As if Alfred should know what he meant.

Alfred looks at Dick and then at the picture and then back at Bruce. “Of course.”

Bruce’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. “Are you planning on wearing this in the future, Dick?”

“Well, I was going to but now I’m not so sure,” Dick said. He grabbed at the phone again and looked at it. Nothing. He saw absolutely nothing.

Bruce sighs. “Dick…just…think things through before you do them. Please.”

“I don’t….” Dick trails off as his beeper goes off notifying him that he is needed as Nightwing. “I have to go.”

He leaves, still confused.

* * *

It’s black with blue designs, made of the strongest material he could find that he could still bend and flip and fight in. His utility belt rests on the waist and hip area. It’s, well, his costume. And he can find absolutely nothing wrong with it to explain the way that Damian, Tim, and Bruce had reacted. Like Alfred, he is confused. Of course Alfred helped him with this costume.

Dick is almost overly self-conscious putting it on as he tries to figure out what exactly is wrong with it. It’s the only costume that he has, however, and whether there is something wrong with it or not he is needed now. It will have to do until he can get something else. Maybe by that point he can find someone to explain what the hell is wrong with the damn thing.

* * *

Jason has already handled the scene by the time Dick shows up. He is relieved, and oddly disappointed, to find that his brother is dressed once again in his blue and black Nightwing getup. “I have to say, I like this look a lot better.”

Dick sighs. “You too?”

“It was a poor fashion decision,” Jason replies with a half smirk. “What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know!” Dick exclaims. He throws his hands up in the air. “No one will tell me what’s wrong with it.”

Jason pauses. “Are you serious?”

“How did you even hear about it?” Dick asks.

“I saw the Instagram photo.”

“You’re on Instagram?”

“No.”

“You were looking for pictures of me on Instagram?”

“No!”

Dick smirks. “You are and you were.”

Jason rolls his eyes. “I stumbled on it. There you were all dressed in gold and white like some kind of ballet reject.”

Dick freezes. “What?”

“That dumbass gaudy costume you got caught wearing,” Jason says. “Isn’t that what we’re talking about?”

Dick looks down at his costume. “Why does everyone suddenly think it looks gaudy?”

“Not that one,” Jason says. “The other one. The gold and white one.”

“What other one?”

 Jason feels like they’re talking in circles. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and brings up the photo which he’d saved. Blackmail material, you can’t have enough. “That one.”

Dick analyzes the photo for a moment. “Nothing. I see nothing.”

“You’re wearing gold and white!” Jason exclaims.

“No…” Dick says. “I’m wearing black and blue.”

Jason looks at the photo. Gold and white, clear as day. “Are you blind?”

“No.”

“Dumb?”

“Jason.”

“It’s gold and white,” Jason says.

“I am looking at this photo. I am wearing my costume. My _only_ costume. It is blue and black,” Dick says.

Jason examines the photo for a long while. He turns on his heel, picks up one of the thugs by his hair and places the phone in front of the man’s face. “What color is this costume?”

“What?” The thug asks.

“What color is this costume?” Jason repeats.

“Um…gold? And white?” The thug asks.

Dick looks flabbergasted. “It’s blue and black!”

They ask every still conscious thug on the scene and then most of the officers who arrive minutes later. Half of them say its Nightwing’s costume and the other get a good chuckle and ask who the vigilante lost a bet to.

“I don’t get it,” Dick says.

Jason just laughs. “It’s an optical illusion. Something about the light. Some people are seeing your costume and then some of us got to see you dressed up like a Christmas ornament.”

“Now Batman and the Robins make so much more sense,” he says grimly. There’s a smile creeping up at the corners of his mouth though that doesn’t match his tone. “You were looking for pictures of me on Instagram.”

“Grow up, Dickie,” Jason mutters.

“It’s sweet,” Dick replies. “Do you save all of them?”

“Only the ones I plan to email to the Justice League,” Jason says. “I wonder how many of them will see it in gold and white.”


End file.
